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how to insult a giant squid

Maybe one of your co-workers is a giant squid and you want to engage in some friendly office banter with him/her, but are unsure of how to do so. Or you meet a giant squid in a bar and he/she is a bit of a jerk. You might not be aware of a species-appropriate insult. Whatever the situation, squidsquid is here to help. Listed below are some squinsults with accompanying severity ratings:

"You have small tentacles."four squid
"Your mama is so fat she could plug an oceanic ridge."three squid
"Hey, the print catridge is out of ink - could we use some of yours?"two squid
"You're so ugly and your mama's so dumb that she tried to drown you when you were born."four squid
"Hey, why dont you stick your ass on the mantlepiece over there. Then we'll have a mantle piece on the mantlepiece, ha ha ha!"one squid
"Your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube looks short."five squid
"Your mama is so fat your daddy thought he was attacking a submarine."four squid
"Oh - you think your so smart, don't you? Yeah, I bet you wrote the encephalopaedia britannica."one squid
"You squid are all the same - one drink and you're all tentacles."three squid
"You're real funny - yeah, keep kraken (emphasis required) those jokes."one squid
"When you go to sea world, the visitors think you're an escaped specimen."two squid
"Hey where do you want to go for lunch today? I know a great calamari place..."three squid

five squid = abusive
four squid = offensive
three squid = insulting
two squid = impertinent
one squid = taunting